Implementation intentions: A strategy to help you reach your goals

Implementation intentions: A strategy to help you reach your goals

By Isabelle Leduc-Cummings, Medipsy Psychological Services.

            How many times have we set New Year’s resolutions that did not make it past the month of January, or set the same resolutions year after year? How many have tried to eat healthy or exercise more only to revert back to old habits after a few weeks, if not a few days?

        We set goals in almost all areas of our lives:  “exercise more” (health), “earn a promotion” (work), “spend more time with my family” (relationships), etc. We set both small goals (e.g. “meet my friend for lunch”) and large ones (e.g., “build a career”). Setting goals is an essential part of our lives. Yet, as some of the above examples with New Year’s resolutions illustrate, we are sometimes bad at attaining those goals. There may be many potential explanations for these failures: lack of intrinsic motivation, low                          commitment, difficult and/or frequent obstacles, and so much more.

http://candiaoaks.com/golf-goals-do-you-have-them/   

One area in which people experience difficulties is in implementing their goals once they have been set. In other words, people have difficulties in getting started or staying on track with the pursuit of the goals they have selected. Luckily, research shows that there are useful strategies we can use to become more successful at pursuing our goals. One of those strategies is called “implementation intentions”. Implementation intentions are if/then plans. They link a specific goal-directed behaviour to a specific future situation: "I intend to do y when situation z is encountered." (Gollwitzer, 1999; Gollwitzer & Brandstätter, 2007). For example, if I have the goal of eating healthy, a helpful implementation intention might be: “I intend to eat a salad when I go to McDonald’s”.  Implementation intentions translate a goal from more abstract and general terms (e.g., “I want to eat healthy”) to more specific and concrete ones (e.g., “I will eat a salad when I go to McDonald’s”) by specifying when, where, and how one intends to pursue their goal.

So whether you’re trying to get started on a new goal, or keep working towards a long-standing one, using implementation intentions might help you get one step closer towards achieving that goal.  To do so, you must first identify a future situation relevant to your goal, whether it is recurrent or not. For example, a common obstacle (e.g. bad weather, when you have the goal to be more active) or a potential temptation you anticipate encountering in the near future (e.g., the open bar at your cousin’s wedding, when you have the goal to reduce your alcohol consumption). The next step is choosing a specific behaviour that is line with your goal, and that will be enacted when the previously identified situation is encountered (e.g., following from the previous example: “I will have a glass of water when someone offers me a drink at my cousin’s wedding.”).

One of the keys to the success of implementation intentions is that they allow you to avoid exerting effort in the situation. Indeed, instead of being “at the mercy” of momentary influences such as a strong desire for the tempting object that is conflicting with your goal, shifts in motivation, or low energy, the situation has already been anticipated, and associated with a specific behaviour. Thus, when the situation is encountered, the associated behaviour is simply enacted (Oettingen & Gollwtizer, 2010). There is less room for weighing the options and potentially giving in to less desirable alternatives. Thus, implementation intentions appear to be especially useful in the context of difficult goals (Gollwitzer & Brandstätter, 2007).

Just as we set goals in all areas of our lives, implementation intentions can be used with any goal. Indeed, they can be used for health goals (e.g., “I will take the stairs when I see the elevators at work”), school/work goals (e.g., “I will answer school/work emails when I feel tempted to check social media while studying/working”), therapy goals (e.g., “I will practice deep breathing when I experience fear during an exposure exercise”), and so much more.

Medipsy is a private clinic situated in Westmount (Montreal), Quebec, that offers a wide range of clinical services delivered by different professionals including psychologists, psychotherapists, sex therapists, ADD/ADHD coaches, neruopsychologists, and guidance and vocational counsellors. 

References

Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54, 493–503.

Gollwitzer, P. M., & Brandstätter, V. (2007). Implementation intentions and effective 

goal pursuit. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73(1), 168-199.

Oettingen, G., & Gollwitzer, P. M. (2010). Strategies of setting and implementing goals: Mental contrasting and implementation intentions. In J. E. Maddux & J. P. Tangney (Eds.), Social psychological foundations of clinical psychology (pp.114-135). New York, NY: The Guilford Press.

Is it normal? Or is it Alzheimer’s?

I used to have the memory of an elephant. I remembered the names of people I met at parties and things I had to get done by Tuesday at noon.  These days, I go through a fair size package of post-it notes to get through the month.  

As we age, we often have more difficulty remembering things the way we used to when we were younger.  And of course, the question that lurks in the backs of the mind is, “Could this be Alzheimer’s?”  You may have an aging parent and be asking yourself, “Is this a normal part of getting old or should I be concerned?”  So here are a few guidelines, hopefully to reassure you, or at least to indicate if it is time to take steps.

Let’s say you forget the name of the person you just met, or as you go to write down a phone number, you can’t recall the last two digits.  This can just be normal forgetting or lack of attention, and on its own is not cause for concern.  The kind of forgetting that is more of a problem is not being able to remember what you did recently.  For example, did your mother forget that she just had lunch an hour ago?  This is not usually in the category of normal forgetting.  Words also get forgotten.  There are times when I get to the middle of a sentence and the word I am looking for just will not come.  It is frustrating, it is embarrassing, but it is also normal.   But it is not normal if I think that the thing that I use to comb my hair is called a cup.  Forgetting words is in the normal range, using words incorrectly is not.  Similarly, if I misplace my glasses or my keys (even if I do it often), there is probably no cause for my husband to be concerned.  But if I start keeping my glasses in the freezer because I think that they belong there, please call my doctor.  If your Dad used to be a crossword whiz and he is not as fast as he used to be, don’t panic.  If he is slower at balancing his checkbook that is probably not a problem but, if he forgets how add or subtract or forgets what to do with the phone, it is time to get help.

Other changes that are part of Alzheimer’s include a general sense of apathy or lack of initiative. Not wanting to do things can also be part of normal grieving. So, if Dad died a couple of months ago, Mom not being interested in things it is not cause for alarm.  But if there are no reasons that you can think of for the apathy, or if Mom seems often confused in familiar situations, or suddenly angry at nothing, assessment is probably a good idea. Finally, we all show poor judgment at times, a bad investment or a bad choice of hair color are unfortunate but not symptomatic.    But if you notice your friend using poor judgment about everyday tasks – going outside in winter without a coat – take notice. 

I hope that these examples give greater peace of mind.  But if you think that there may be cause for concern, a memory assessment with a neuropsychologist can give you a clearer idea if there is a problem.

This article was written by Dr. Marilyn Fitzpatrick.  Dr. Fitzpatrick is a 65-year old Professor of Counselling Psychology at McGill University and Partner in Medipsy Psychological Services in Westmount (www.medipsy.ca, 514 419-3005).  Medipsy offers assessments and services for seniors.

Parental Needs Matter: Supporting Teens with ADHD

The New Data - Old Truth

Your teen can indeed learn to hand their homework in on time without you supervising their every move. A pilot study published this year by Margaret Silbey (Parent–Teen Behavior Therapy + Motivational Interviewing for Adolescents with ADHD - 2016), has shown strong evidence that affirming a parent’s needs and motivation, is as important as identifying the student’s goals for themselves. 

This study is exciting to me for many reasons. It provides a model for collaborative parenting which is much needed in the field of ADHD coaching. There has been excellent work done on collaborative problem solving by Ross Greene and ADHD parent education by Russell Barkley, but this is the first time that the two have been put together in a comprehensive program.

For now, it is the role of the parent that I would like to share with you. The data shows that the best outcomes occur when the teen and parent are on a parallel path of self-reflection and change. The work is not about fixing the teen so much as it is about co-creating the conditions for the teen to learn the strategies for effectively managing their ADHD symptoms.

Social science data has shown for some time that healthier parents have healthier children. We also know that parents of teens with ADHD are “on” too many hours of the day organizing, advocating, disciplining, or otherwise being watchful that another failing grade is not around the corner.  This stress can shift the interactions between the child and parent in unhelpful ways. Silbey’s research takes this well-known truth and applies it in her treatment model for teens with ADHD.

STAND

Silbey’s program is called STAND (Supporting Teen’s Autonomy Daily) and focuses on building student self-efficacy, skill rehearsal and practice.  Both the student’s and the parent’s motivation for seeking help in the first place becomes the starting point. Poignantly, after non-judgmental reflection with a skilled facilitator, the parent-teen partners usually discover that they want the very same things: increased control over their own lives, better grades, and peace at home.  This common ground then becomes the motivational engine that drives the work. For example, Mom (or Dad) may say that she needs more time to herself, and her teen wants more autonomy. The pair then agree when, where and how Mom will check in. Mom also agrees that she will not “hover” while the work is getting done – no matter the outcome. The teen also agrees to practice new ways of “getting started” so that the work does actually get done.  Each wins. Needs are met on both sides.

The Importance of Parent Beliefs

To get to this point of collaboration, Silbey confirms that identifying limiting beliefs is key. By the time the parent seeks help, they have typically experienced years of frustration and failure to “make” their child do what he/she is supposed to do. Pressure from the school for a parent to “do” something increases this stress. Over time, these frustrations can harden into fixed beliefs about their child’s abilities. “These beliefs”, Silbey writes, “are powerful determinants of the parent’s behavior and guide their parenting choices.”

What is the Most Effective Parenting Style?

Silbey found three statistically significant patterns to describe parenting styles. One she termed, “broad disengagement” for a lack of supervision or structure at home.  These parents tend to be busy and believe that nothing they do will change anything with their teen.

A second type of parenting style she affectionately terms “personal assistants”, tend to be highly involved in all aspects of the teen’s schoolwork, including actually doing it for them. These parents often believe that if they did not supervise every detail their child would fail and the cost of that failure would be too high to tolerate.

The third type of parenting style is a “warmly collaborative” one.  These parents co-create structures with their teens for placing limits on freedoms and accountability for completing schoolwork. Notably, this group of parents has the highest level of personal well-being. It is this group that has the least conflict with their teens, and the teens have the most success in integrating adaptive strategies into their study habits. The parents in this group have the underlying belief that change is possible.

Building Parent Self-efficacy

So how can parents become warmly collaborative when they are feeling tired, discouraged and confused? They can get help from a professional who can support these changes and show them where their “parent” power is. STAND does this by showing that choosing to spend energy on adapting their own behavior is worthwhile and likely to lead to the “desired rewards”. For example, a parent will be asked to introduce a new strategy and later reflect on the results. Over time, the parent sees that these changes are indeed leading to better outcomes. This reinforces the belief that parents CAN and DO make a difference to their teen’s success. The fact that the teen is engaged in exactly the same process of trying new behaviours followed by reflection, can also be deeply encouraging for a tired parent.

The Payoffs

Successfully re-establishing the partnership between a teen and parent lead to improved outcomes in several areas. Teens recorded their homework more consistently, earned higher grades, and reported a reduction in inattentive and hyperactive/impulsive symptoms. Parents reported lower levels of parenting stress and this gain was maintained six months after the close of the study. In my practice, when these shifts occur, I also see reduced family conflict, increased parent and student resilience, and more space for loving connection. Ultimately, I believe, this last is the payoff everyone is looking for.

Lynda Hoffman, Certified coach 

Medipsy Psychological Services

Parental Needs Matter: Supporting Teens with ADHD

The New Data - Old Truth

Your teen can indeed learn to hand their homework in on time without you supervising their every move. A pilot study published this year by Margaret Silbey (Parent–Teen Behavior Therapy + Motivational Interviewing for Adolescents with ADHD - 2016), has shown strong evidence that affirming a parent’s needs and motivation, is as important as identifying the student’s goals for themselves. 

This study is exciting to me for many reasons. It provides a model for collaborative parenting which is much needed in the field of ADHD coaching. There has been excellent work done on collaborative problem solving by Ross Greene and ADHD parent education by Russell Barkley, but this is the first time that the two have been put together in a comprehensive program.

For now, it is the role of the parent that I would like to share with you. The data shows that the best outcomes occur when the teen and parent are on a parallel path of self-reflection and change. The work is not about fixing the teen so much as it is about co-creating the conditions for the teen to learn the strategies for effectively managing their ADHD symptoms.

Social science data has shown for some time that healthier parents have healthier children. We also know that parents of teens with ADHD are “on” too many hours of the day organizing, advocating, disciplining, or otherwise being watchful that another failing grade is not around the corner.  This stress can shift the interactions between the child and parent in unhelpful ways. Silbey’s research takes this well-known truth and applies it in her treatment model for teens with ADHD.

STAND

Silbey’s program is called STAND (Supporting Teen’s Autonomy Daily) and focuses on building student self-efficacy, skill rehearsal and practice.  Both the student’s and the parent’s motivation for seeking help in the first place becomes the starting point. Poignantly, after non-judgmental reflection with a skilled facilitator, the parent-teen partners usually discover that they want the very same things: increased control over their own lives, better grades, and peace at home.  This common ground then becomes the motivational engine that drives the work. For example, Mom (or Dad) may say that she needs more time to herself, and her teen wants more autonomy. The pair then agree when, where and how Mom will check in. Mom also agrees that she will not “hover” while the work is getting done – no matter the outcome. The teen also agrees to practice new ways of “getting started” so that the work does actually get done.  Each wins. Needs are met on both sides.

The Importance of Parent Beliefs

To get to this point of collaboration, Silbey confirms that identifying limiting beliefs is key. By the time the parent seeks help, they have typically experienced years of frustration and failure to “make” their child do what he/she is supposed to do. Pressure from the school for a parent to “do” something increases this stress. Over time, these frustrations can harden into fixed beliefs about their child’s abilities. “These beliefs”, Silbey writes, “are powerful determinants of the parent’s behavior and guide their parenting choices.”

What is the Most Effective Parenting Style?

Silbey found three statistically significant patterns to describe parenting styles. One she termed, “broad disengagement” for a lack of supervision or structure at home.  These parents tend to be busy and believe that nothing they do will change anything with their teen.

A second type of parenting style she affectionately terms “personal assistants”, tend to be highly involved in all aspects of the teen’s schoolwork, including actually doing it for them. These parents often believe that if they did not supervise every detail their child would fail and the cost of that failure would be too high to tolerate.

The third type of parenting style is a “warmly collaborative” one.  These parents co-create structures with their teens for placing limits on freedoms and accountability for completing schoolwork. Notably, this group of parents has the highest level of personal well-being. It is this group that has the least conflict with their teens, and the teens have the most success in integrating adaptive strategies into their study habits. The parents in this group have the underlying belief that change is possible.

Building Parent Self-efficacy

So how can parents become warmly collaborative when they are feeling tired, discouraged and confused? They can get help from a professional who can support these changes and show them where their “parent” power is. STAND does this by showing that choosing to spend energy on adapting their own behavior is worthwhile and likely to lead to the “desired rewards”. For example, a parent will be asked to introduce a new strategy and later reflect on the results. Over time, the parent sees that these changes are indeed leading to better outcomes. This reinforces the belief that parents CAN and DO make a difference to their teen’s success. The fact that the teen is engaged in exactly the same process of trying new behaviours followed by reflection, can also be deeply encouraging for a tired parent.

The Payoffs

Successfully re-establishing the partnership between a teen and parent lead to improved outcomes in several areas. Teens recorded their homework more consistently, earned higher grades, and reported a reduction in inattentive and hyperactive/impulsive symptoms. Parents reported lower levels of parenting stress and this gain was maintained six months after the close of the study. In my practice, when these shifts occur, I also see reduced family conflict, increased parent and student resilience, and more space for loving connection. Ultimately, I believe, this last is the payoff everyone is looking for.

Lynda Hoffman, Certified coach 

Medipsy Psychological Services

6 Steps to Successful (ADHD) Coaching

6 Steps to Successful (ADHD) Coaching

New clients often ask, "What can I expect from coaching?" This is particularly true for adults with ADHD who are already feeling overwhelmed. They want to change their lives for the better, but they want to do less - not more.

So, how do you get the best results? What leads to improved work performance, healthy relationships, and financial stability? As it turns out, the best results occur when clients are prepared to do things differently, rather than more of the same. Consider the following 6 steps:

Get to know your ADHD

Getting a diagnosis is important to your success. (By the way, getting a diagnosis is doing something differently rather than continuing with the status quo). There are three sub-types of ADHD, and many possible comorbid disorders that may be complicating matters. Once you know exactly which type you have, problem areas can be targeted more effectively. A diagnosis will also dispel the myth that your habits are a result of a character flaw (ADHD is a neurobiological disorder, not laziness). With a diagnosis, you will know definitively why you have not been able to focus at will like other people. You will learn that you did not cause your ADHD symptoms and you are not to blame.

Be committed to your stretch  zone

Being just out of your comfort zone is how you will make the changes in your life. Being slightly uncomfortable as you take risks with new behaviours will result in personal growth, new habits and increased self-confidence. This is because some anxiety is useful to the learning process. It keeps us on our toes and tends to mobilize us. The idea is to feel the stretch, take the action anyway, and celebrate. Your coach will support you in finding the balance between trepidation and effective learning.

Be in your neutrality

To go to your stretch zone repeatedly, you will need to respond to setbacks with neutrality. Responding to failure with non-judgment will support you in persevering until you reach your goals. When we decide to live bravely and tolerate some discomfort as a natural part of the learning process, these feelings diminish over time and we are more motivated to practice our new skills. Remember, failures are not personal. They are merely learning opportunities that are rich with Information about what we can do differently next time.

Set reasonable expectations for yourself

Learn to set goals that are achievable. Many people with ADHD take on too much at one time, become overwhelmed, and then stop. One of my clients had this experience when he decided it was time to become more efficient at work and streamline his paperwork. When we first met, he said he was feeling overwhelmed. When he thought about what it would take to reduce the amount of paper and set up systems so he would know where everything was, he quickly became overwhelmed. In his mind, it as one mammoth sized task. For him, the first step to success was a mini goal: purchase a scanner. Once he saw the purchase of the scanner as one small step in a series and paced himself throughout, he experienced improved feelings of control and self-confidence about making further changes.

Take action

Be prepared to take action in order to change your life. For people with ADHD, this is often very difficult to do because they tend to get sidetracked. Set the intention to take action and you will see results. Although your coach will support you in learning how to follow through on your plans, the most important work takes place between coaching sessions. Be mindful every day that doing something different is where the change occurs. This is when you will create new and more adaptive habits. Remember, whether you succeed with a new behavior the first time you try is not important. What is highly predictive of success is that you took action in the first place.  Action creates momentum. Once you get started, you are more likely to continue moving ahead. Remember too, that the quality of your action can always be modified later.

Consider all parts of your life

Be willing to explore all areas of your life. For example, if you make a plan with your coach for improved time management and do not share that you have a wedding scheduled in the middle of your peak work period, the plan is likely to fail. Be open to sharing what is going on in your life, even if it does not seem relevant. The best way to put the pieces of the puzzle together is to first throw them all on the floor. You can sort through them afterward.

Remember, coaching is a partnership to improve your life.   Decide to show up consistently, with openness and curiosity and you will find the success you are looking for.

For more information on coaching for ADHD, visit the Medipsy website, or visit www.adhd-tdah.ca for helpful resources. The Medipsy YouTube Chanel also includes helpful videos on ADHD. 

Lynda Hoffman

Certified Professional & Personal Coach

Medipsy Psychological Services

Services Psychologiques Medipsy

“If I know how to do it, why don’t I do it?”

Steve, threw up his hands in frustration saying, “Why don’t I do it? I learned from the best how to get organized, but I just don’t do it!” For adults with ADHD, repeatedly failing to do what they know very well how to do is very frustrating.

Steve loved people and people loved Steve. He was smart, charming, and creative. He was welcomed onto committees and he volunteered enthusiastically to take on important tasks. His input was valued and trusted, until it became clear that he was not doing what he said he was going to do. This pattern caused Steve deep embarrassment and eventually he decided to stop volunteering altogether. He was also failing to keep a job, or complete any task that required more than a few steps. He was in a tender place with his family who begged him to explain what was going on.  But he could not enlighten them any more than he could enlighten himself. Years of relative unproductivity eventually led to a growing sense of inadequacy. By the time I first met him, he was suffering with severe anxiety and he despaired that he could ever change this pattern of behaviour.  So, he asked me, “Why am I not doing what I said I would do?”

The short answer to his question was “ADHD”. This disorder is by definition an impairment of the self-management system, which includes the ability to modulate focus, and start and complete tasks. A patient once remarked to Dr. Thomas E. Brown, Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Yale University School of Medicine and Associate Director of the Yale Clinic for Attention and Related Disorders, that having ADHD, “is like having erectile dysfunction of the mind.” You do not have conscious control over performing on demand. Imminent threat or reward, however, will change the brain’s chemistry and mobilize the person to action.

What does this mean for you if you need to follow through more reliably and you have ADHD?  Certainly, you do not want to live under threat in order to produce work and you know that you cannot count on will power to change your behaviour. The answer lies in using what you do have control over.  High interest and emotional pleasure are powerful motivators and, as such, they create the right brain chemistry for action.  For people with ADHD, finding what interests them can be used as a strategy, rather than a distraction. When you know your passion, and live it, you will be more likely to be complete work and persevere through tedious tasks.

On a deeper level, knowing what you dream of for yourself, and what you truly want out of your life, can powerfully draw you forward. Getting in touch with what matters to you, coming to know it, see it, visualize it, sense it, and breathe life into it, is a good way to change your brain chemistry. I have repeatedly been surprised by how much a client with ADHD can get done, or overcome, when sufficiently motivated.  The fact is, none of us knows, what we can accomplish in our lives when we allow ourselves to breathe in possibility. Likewise, the limits in front of us are often of our own making, If you believe that you must find success by doing things the same way was everyone else, and doing the boring tasks that you find difficult to do, you may be limiting your potential.  By focusing on what is not working, you inadvertently create a box for yourself. This brings more of what you don’t want: avoidance, withdrawal, and self-judgment. I would suggest doing the opposite. Set the intention to create what you want for your life.   You will be giving yourself the gift of energy and motivation to learn the skills of DOING what you know how to DO.  You can then learn to notice without judgment that “oops, I’m off track. My trip to the Amalfi coast is out there. Oh, the colours, the smells, and textures. Ok, time to get back to work.”

Lynda Hoffman, certified ADHD coach

Medipsy Psychological Services

The Path to ADHD Coaching

The best things in life have a way of coming after many disappointments and false starts. This is also true for people with ADHD. The stories I hear from clients about how they eventually come to coaching are very similar: “Once I received the diagnosis, I then worked with someone to help me follow through, but they told me it wasn’t working because I couldn’t follow through.” Years of trial and error with various professionals to learn efficient self-management skills can feel tortuous. The words I hear most are: “despair, lack of effort, I failed because of me," and “I want to be in charge of my own life!"

The good news is that these experiences, while not immediately providing the change clients are seeking, form a rich body of learning about what does and does not work for them. This self-knowledge is key to any successful coaching work in which they will eventually engage.

When clients arrive at a coaching session with a diagnosis and a history of trying many different ways to change things for themselves, they are ready -- truly and fully ready -- to embark on a productive, life-changing experience. Their desire for change is at an all-time high, while their despair can be at an all-time low. Ironically, these are the conditions that sustain clients best when they might otherwise avoid sessions or tasks that feel challenging. This history forms the motivational foundation from which clients will take more risks, tolerate uncertainty, and experiment with how to BE differently in their lives.

The best news of all is that these experiences are merely one aspect of the whole person. And this is what sets coaching apart from other modalities. There is the assumption that all of us are whole, just the way we are. Coaching – even ADHD Coaching - is about growing, learning and becoming. The purpose is to empower, illuminate the essential health of the client, and embrace all parts of themselves.

As Carl R. Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

P.S.: Don't forget to take a look at our videos on ADHD on YouTube!

Lynda Hoffman

Certified Professional & Personal Coach

Medipsy Psychological Services

ADHD: When I accept myself just as I am, then I can change...

The best things in life have a way of coming after many disappointments and false starts. This is also true for people with ADHD. The stories I hear from clients about how they eventually come to coaching are very similar: “Once I received the diagnosis, I then worked with someone to help me follow through, but they told me it wasn’t working because I couldn’t follow through.” Years of trial and error with various professionals to learn efficient self-management skills can feel tortuous. The words I hear most are: “despair, lack of effort, I failed because of me," and “I want to be in charge of my own life!"

The good news is that these experiences, while not immediately providing the change clients are seeking, form a rich body of learning about what does and does not work for them. This self-knowledge is key to any successful coaching work in which they will eventually engage.

When clients arrive at a coaching session with a diagnosis and a history of trying many different ways to change things for themselves, they are ready -- truly and fully ready -- to embark on a productive, life-changing experience. Their desire for change is at an all-time high, while their despair can be at an all-time low. Ironically, these are the conditions that sustain clients best when they might otherwise avoid sessions or tasks that feel challenging. This history forms the motivational foundation from which clients will take more risks, tolerate uncertainty, and experiment with how to BE differently in their lives.

The best news of all is that these experiences are merely one aspect of the whole person. And this is what sets coaching apart from other modalities. There is the assumption that all of us are whole, just the way we are. Coaching – even ADHD Coaching - is about growing, learning and becoming. The purpose is to empower, illuminate the essential health of the client, and embrace all parts of themselves.

As Carl R. Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

Lynda Hoffman

Certified Professional & Personal Coach

Medipsy Psychological Services

Your Teen is Entering CEGEP or College?

We are inclined to breathe a sigh of relief when our child graduates high school thinking that reaching this milestone means college will be somehow easier. Amid the celebration, it is important to remember that all transitions can be tricky to navigate for those with ADHD. Being prepared for this reality is the best way to set your child up for success.

What is it about transitioning to CEGEP or College that can be so challenging for teens? Like all transitions, the expectations placed on students are suddenly higher than those in high school. And they are higher precisely in the areas that our children may be having difficulties in, for example knowing how much studying is enough, anticipating what is expected when it is not explicitly said, getting around campus, resisting the temptation to go to the mall rather than classes they may not be interested in. These “executive” skills are mediated by the prefrontal cortex of the brain whose development, in individuals with ADHD, tends to lag behind those of their peers without ADHD. Executive function skills are those that support us in doing the things we know we should be doing, and when we should be doing them. As such, you may find yourself watching your teen choosing to prepare for tests at the last minute, handing in assignments late or not at all, performing poorly on tests, and avoiding asking their teachers for help.

What can parents do about this? Your role is now one of supporting your teen’s growing autonomy, while also expecting that there may be gaps in their ability to follow through, or doing what they should be doing. Start by finding out in advance what support services are available at the college your teen will be attending. Model the core belief in a “Growth Mindset” that learning is about honing abilities and skills, as much as it is about learning content. This creates a love of learning and builds resilience necessary for children to solve problems more flexibly and non-judgmentally. Be prepared to ask your teen questions when you see something they may not be seeing: “Is this a problem for you? How can you know? How are you planning to handle that? What will you do about this?”  Be curious about their experience. Listen. Your relationship with your teen is the best way to ensure you two work productively together if something goes awry.

How to communicate with your teen?  Be prepared that he/she may respond defensively to a question they do not have an answer for. Take this as a sign that they really don’t know and that they don’t like not knowing. Acknowledge their feelings. Let them know that you are there to break the problem down with them when they are ready. If they say, “No, I don’t need your help”, you can ask them, “Is there a person at the college who you would feel comfortable talking to about this?” Hold them accountable for finding a solution. Above all, praise all efforts to find a solution even if the solution is not one you agree with. For example, “I see that you are trying to get a handle on this. It is great you are taking responsibility for it. Is there something else that might also be helpful?”

Is the CEGEP or College the best fit? Set your teen up for success. Find a program your child is truly interested in. High interest is the best way to ensure your teen will be engaged during the program. If they must go into a program they are not thrilled about, it is helpful for them to find some activity at the college, outside their studies, that they truly enjoy. This will support them in staying connected to the school community. Also, ask if the school provides accommodations for exams and/or has tutoring and coaching services available.

How do I know if my teen needs coaching? If your teen is underperforming, appears disorganized, and is not sharing with you, it may be that he/she would be more open to working with a coach. Coaching builds the inner skills necessary for academic success: effective problem solving for better decision making, breaking down tasks, learning to ask for help when needed, building accurate self-awareness, and acquiring resilience in the face of challenges.

Where can parents get answers to their questions? You may benefit from support too. Find a coach who is familiar with ADHD and how to build executive skills. Ask them your questions. Or, better still, find a coach for yourself. Have no doubt. You are a leader and your resilience and level of confidence will impact how you show up to support your child.

Lynda Hoffman, certified ADHD coach

Medipsy Psychological Services

Parenting Stress and Social Support

Are you the parent of an infant, toddler, child, tween, or teen?  If you are, then chances are good that you’re incredibly busy.  And of course, the more sweet and amazing children we have, the more hectic life seems to get.  But that’s okay right?  We don’t have to be a circus clown to learn to juggle.  You simply need to be a parent in a high-tech, fast-paced society, making it on your own or with a partner.  And hopefully everyone everyone remains healthy, assuming they are. 

It seems that back in the day when we were kids, we just went to school, maybe had one extra-curricular activity, and played outside with the other kids in the neighborhood, free from excessive parental supervision in the name of safety.  But in our modern times, there are so many more things for parents to worry about, such as our children accessing elicit online material, sexual predators, and even engaging activities with peers that were unheard of 15-20 years go.   Add to this that today’s parents have much longer working hours which makes finding the time to connect with friends and building new relationship more challenging.  Even stay-at-home moms are spending more time behind the wheel carting their kids between playdates, lessons, sports practices, and enrichment activities, with very little time to socialize with friends.  This is very true if you are the parent of young children.   All of this can be as stressful as it is isolating.  In fact, according to one study done on the relationship between social support, family wellbeing, the quality of parenting, and child resilience, attending to our need for supportive relationships is indispensable for parents ⁽¹⁾. 

Many researcher have noted the existence of different types of social support such as emotional, informational, tangible help (physical or financial), and positive social interactions with close ties, just to name a few.  An absence of these in our lives can affect our sense of wellbeing, the quality of our parenting, and even our children’s resilience⁽¹⁾.  Intuitively we know it’s important, but science tells us why.  Researchers suggests that social support acts as a buffer between the things that stress us such as the loss of a job or an accident, and the potential effects of stress, such as ill health, depression, and general distress⁽¹⁾. 

This is especially true for parents with a child with a disability.  One study showed that parental satisfaction with emotional support was the only one of a list of factors studied, that had a significant positive relationship to parental wellbeing and the level of satisfaction in family functioning⁽²⁾.  This type of support can come from family, friends, even from organizations set up to offer support services for parents and caregivers.  Local community health centres such as CLSCs are a good resource for this type of information.   

Many studies have also shown that a child’s resilience, or ability to cope with adversity as it arises, is learned as new challenges are faced and met with success.  When children have the opportunity to witness their parents nurture other close adult ties, they learn that good relationships are an important aspect of life and eventually adopt this as a way of meeting the ups and downs of life as they grow into adulthood.

Certainly, being a parent can bring many joys and also many challenges on ones life.  It is important to remind ourselves that we need the care, the good ear, and the kind heart of people we trust and admire in order to really be there for the most important people in our lives, our children.  When we place importance on taking the time to do so, all benefit.

Lyane Trepanier, Ph.D. Cand., McGill University

on behalf of Medipsy Psychological Services

References

1- Armstrong, I. M., Birnie-Lefcovitch, S., & Ungar, M. T.  (2005). Pathways between social support, family well-being, quality of parenting, and child resilience: What we know.  Journal of Child and Family Studies, 14, 2, 269-281.

http://facweb.northseattle.edu/cadler/Eng_102_S2009/Readings/Shipping%20News%20Readings/Pathways.pdf

2- Snowdon A.W., Cameron S., Dunham K. (1994). Relathionships between stress, coping resources, and satisfaction with family functioning in family with children with disabilities. Canadian Journal of Nursing Research, 26, 3, 63-76.

The Path to Coaching for ADHD

It is a truism that sometimes the best things in life come after many false starts on a long and winding path. This is often the case for someone with ADHD. The stories I hear from clients about how they eventually come to coaching are very similar. “I got the diagnosis and then worked with someone to help me follow through, but they told me it wasn’t working because I couldn’t follow through.”  It can be a torturous process of years of trial and error with various professionals to learn efficient self-management skills. The words I hear most are, “despair”, “lack of effort”, “I failed because of me”, “I want something more from my life”, “I want to be in charge of my own life”.

The good news is that these experiences, while not immediately providing the change clients are seeking, form a rich body of learning about what does and does not work for them. This self-knowledge is key to any successful coaching work they will eventually engage in.

When clients arrive at a coaching session already having a diagnosis and a history of trying many different ways to change things for themselves, they are ready, truly and fully ready, to embark on a productive life changing experience. Their desire for change is at an all-time high, while their despair can be at an all-time low. Paradoxically, these are the conditions that sustain clients when they might otherwise avoid sessions or tasks that feel challenging. These form the motivational foundation from which clients will take risks, tolerate uncertainty, and experiment with how to BE differently in their lives.  

The best news of all, of course, is that these experiences are merely one aspect of the whole person.  And this is what sets coaching apart from other modalities. There is the assumption that all of us are whole, just as we are. Coaching – even ADHD Coaching - is about growing, learning and becoming.  The purpose is to empower, illuminate the essential health of the client, and embrace all parts of ourselves. As Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” 

Lynda Hoffman, certified coach

Medipsy Psychological Services

Top 10 Things I Want You to Know about Values

In my first post, I asked the question, "Whatever happened to values?"  Today I would like to distill some of the ideas from this month.  So I have I have created a Top 10 list (and the posts where you can find them).  And here they are.

1.      Find at least one important thing that you want to stand for.  It will bring you enormous  satisfaction.

  (February 3, 4, 5)

2.      Steer away from materialistic values. They won’t make you happy.

  (February 6, 7)

3.      Connect with the importance of your value.  It will make it easier to act.

  (February 11, 21)

4.      Dream big.  Rising above yourself is in your nature.

  (February 17, 28)

5.      Start today.  It won’t get easier if you put it off.

  (February 22, 27, 26, 28)

6.      Organize your life to make a place for values. Don’t expect it to just come naturally.

  (February 10, 16)

7.      Let your kids know what is meaningful to you by showing them not telling them. 

  (February 8)

8.      See life challenges as a chance to clarify what you value.

 (February 12, 25) 

9.      Be kind to yourself.  This is a long-term project.

 (February 26)

10.   Remember that everyone has values – even if they are different from yours.

 (February 15, 24)


Marilyn Fitzpatrick, Ph.D., psychologist

What about values and the long haul?

Picking up from yesterday, I suggested that it was a good idea to integrate values-related actions into everyday life so there is less strain on your self-control muscles.  The importance of organizing for the immediate future is further underlined by a series of experiments in which researchers investigated the relationships between values and behavioral intentions (Eyal, et al., 2009).  Across different situations, the researchers found that values predicted distant intentions better than near intentions.  In other words, if you ask me if I intend to act on my value, I will be more likely to say yes if the action is not coming up soon.  The researchers reasoned that this is because everyday realities do not impose themselves on distant plans.  For things that are far away, I don’t need to think of how to make time or negotiate with others.  But if it is close by, I need to organize daily opportunities to take values-related actions. 

Still, one of the questions I would have if I were reading is "What about the importance of my values? Shouldn’t importance be a factor? Eyal’s research also speaks to this question. In one experiment, some of the participants were asked to think and write about concrete details of values consistent events - the things they would see and hear and feel and do during the events.  Other participants were asked to think and write about the importance and meaning of values-consistent events-  the implications for their goals, their identity, and the bigger picture.  Those who thought about the big picture - the meaning and consequences – were more likely to form an intention to act.  Thinking about the big picture even cancelled out the effect of distance.  So people who were able to imagine the meaning of their choices were more likely to intend to act - even if the event was coming up soon.  This suggests that if I want to act more in line with my values, first I need first to connect my actions to a bigger picture – one that reminds me of what it means to me to take this action.  The researchers concluded (and I tend to agree) that a second good strategy would be to pre-commit myself to irreversible choices for the future in line with my values.  Once I am committed then as the time gets closer, what I intend to do can become what I actually do.

Reference

Eyal, T., Sagristano, M.D., Trope, Y., Liberman, N., & Chaiken, S. (2009). When values matter: Expressing values in behavioral intentions for the near vs. distant future. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 45, 35–43

To act on my values do I need to work my self-control muscles?

Roy Baumeister (2014) has done a lot of research on self-control.   Self-control can be compared it to a muscle.  Like a muscle, it can be depleted.  When I am working in the gym, at a certain point some muscles will just give up and I will have to stop.  When this happens while I am trying to control actions, psychologists call it ego depletion. Baumeister has calculated that the average person spends 3 to 4 hour a days working their self-control muscles to inhibit desires.  If I am awake for about 16 hours a day that means that close to a quarter of my waking hours are spent inhibiting myself.  So what does this research on self-control have to teach us about taking action on values?  Do I need to be building my self-control muscles?

I would say “not necessarily”.  I have nothing against self-control but I think it is smart to limit the need for it.  I have two suggestions.  The first is fit value-based actions into day-to-day life.  For example, if I value creativity and I want to become a better portrait painter, I will probably make more progress if I start to sketch people on the bus than if I try to set up a proper studio to do portraits.  Both studio and bus-sketching will move me towards my goal, but the first demands relatively little self-control – just put a drawing pad and pencil in my backpack.  The second may require a lot of will power to save money to rent a studio and buy art supplies or arrange for a model to sit for me.  Big actions will be more susceptible to ego depletion so I will make more progress if small value-related actions are part of my routine.   

The second suggestion is frame your value in an inspiring way.  In research carried out in our lab with people working on articulating and acting on their values (Fitzpatrick et al., 2016), we found that values that lead to change often had an inspirational quality.  People who changed were “touched” or “lifted up” by their values.  Perhaps the inspiration meant that they needed less self-control.  The inspirational quality of a value is personal for me.   When I think about my most important value, I say to myself, “I want to leave the world a better place than I found it.”  That phrase moves me.  I could say “I want to make a contribution.”  It means about the same thing.  But only the first one moves me.  When I have to do something that is difficult and I can think of that phrase, it seems to take self-control off the table.  If you have identified a value that you think is important, ask yourself, “Does it inspire me?”  If not, you may need to use more of your self-control muscles to turn it into action.

Reference

Baumeister, R.F. (2014). Self-regulation, ego depletion and inhibition.  Neuropsychologia, 65, 313-319. http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.neuropsychologia.2014.08.012

Fitzpatrick, M., Henson, A., Grumet, R., Poolokasingham, G., Foa, C., Comeau, T., & Predergast, C.  (2016). Challenge, focus, inspiration and support: Processes of values clarification and congruence. Journal of Contextual and Behavioral Science http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.jcbs.2016.02.001